Why do people cheat on their partners

Every couple, when entering into an intimate, committed relationship and hopefully before marriage, should have the infidelity conversation. The understanding of infidelity is quite blurred as some may not consider emotional infidelity as a breach of trust but it actually is. Both physical and emotional intimacy with somebody other than your spouse is infidelity. Physical infidelity or sexual relations outside an intimate relationship is distrust and betrayal, while emotional intimacy can be  emotional dependence where quality time, attention and romantic love is spent with a person other than the one you are in a relationship with. In both cases, the other person in the relationship is cheated and  betrayed accounting to infidelity.

Most people in relationship would agree that commitment means never going astray  on sex, and at times even being emotionally intimate to someone else. In a recent survey, it was found that many people admit to being unfaithful at some point in their life. It is bemusing that the married lot cheated more than the single.

The reasons for this vary from person to person, but the single factor that is relevant to both genders is the aversion to commitment.  With  the romance coming to an end after marriage, many people cannot reconcile themselves to the mundane life. They want the same attraction back which is not possible in the partner with whom they have spent their last year together.

A nagging wife or over passionate husband can make the spouses look for another person to get sanity back into their life. That is one of the prime reasons why men and women fall into the arm of a person other than their partner.

In case of some persons. It is peer group tendency that drives them to commit adultery. In case a buddy does it and shows if off as  something fun, there are many men who cannot resist it. The same goes for women as some friends make their  make cheat just for kicks.

In case of men, it is the starvation of sex that leads them to have it outside  of wedlock. If the woman is not willing to have  sex as much as the man demands, he  is going to look for someone who can satisfy him and vice versa.

The craving  for new thrill is one of the most important reasons  behind cheating.  A man has gratified himself with you, and is not likely to feel the same again. That brings out the urge to experiment, in other words, flirting with other women. If  a person is in a state of despair and under great stress, having an affair can fix many  problems. It can not only give release from tension but also work  to boost the ego of a person as he or she now feels more desirable. This is usually due  to lack of spark or mutual appreciation in a relationship.

HOW TO DEAL WITH THOUGHTS OF INFIDELITY

Before you decide to cheat on your partner, learn to deal with the thoughts of infidelity by figuring  out what is lacking in your relationship and bringing thoughts that could cost you love of your current partner and family.

·         The foremost step  to deal with thoughts of infidelity is to figure out the incidences of such thoughts. Day dreaming about your favorite  movie star/s or getting attracted to someone on the street is perfectly normal, but getting intimate with another  person is an indication that your current relationship is lacking something essential. Instead of focusing your attention on the one whom you admire, reevaluate your relationship with your partner to know the differences.

·         While having thoughts of  cheating on your partner, just give a thought  to its dire consequences. Think how it will hurt your partner and everybody else around you. If children are involve, think how it is going to influence their life and their mental development.  Infidelity does not involve you and your partner, it impinges  on your family’s  mentality and tears them apart. The best solution is to locate the problems in your relationship that brought you to think of cheating with your partner. Such thoughts  can be forced by innumerable reasons such as staying away for too long or giving  a lot of importance to the person you are attracted to.

·         To deal with the issue of infidelity, the best option is to communicate your feeling to your partner. Do not state to him or her that you are having thoughts  of infidelity, but explain that  you are finding some difficulties in your relationship. Tell him or her what is missing in the relationship and try to voice your present feelings. Do it in a way that it does not hurt your partner’s emotions and try to clear your doubts as much as possible  so that the two of you can decide appropriate  future actions i.e.  whether to make things work or take individual ways. Putting an end to relationship  is always better than being unfaithful  and disloyal.

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TAKING WINNING STEPS.

 

In Judges 7: 3, God specifically instructed Jerubaal (Gideon), to proclaim in the ears of the people, saying, ‘whoever is fearful and trembling, let him return home’. This instruction reveals a very fundamental secret as to why people fail in life.

The first thing that drops people from winning in life is fear. Every time you are confronted with a step you want to take in life, a step you want to take academically, a step you want to take in marriage etc; the first thing that strikes you is fear. You may not believe it, for some, the reason why they are yet to be married at old age is fear. It’s either he can’t talk to a woman or he is afraid of how he will take care of a woman. He thinks about the money he doesn’t have in his bank account. The truth is that until you deal with the issue of fear, you will never take your first step into victory.

Deuteronomy 20: 1 – 8, gives us a model or approach to war. In verse one precisely, the Bible says, "when thou goeth to war", "not if thou goeth to war". The truth is that every day is a day of warfare. The Word of God says, "When you go to war and you see your enemies with horses and chariots, "thou shall not fear"".

The first and last instruction God gives is that we should not be afraid. Speaking to Joshua, in Joshua 1:1-9, God instructed Joshua to be strong and courageous. The letter to the Ephesians 6: 10-18 listed the spiritual weapons as revealed by the Holy Spirit through Paul the apostle. Verse 10 tells us where it all began; "finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might…" before revealing other weapons. This means that no weapon works in the hands of the fearful. 2Timothy 3:1 also confirms this. This shows us that even grace cannot work except you condition your heart for courage. Courage is the winning step you have to take. It is my prayer that as you read this epistle, courage will rise in your soul.

Do you know that some people are even scared to ask God for the things they need. You need a degree of boldness to ask for God to touch you at the point of your need without a sense of begging. You need to come boldly even to pray. The difference between someone with a big blessing and another with a small blessing is boldness and courage. Someone is asking for God to do it for him now, while another is saying God, I hope you will do it for me in the next one month. We must be aware of the enemy’s strategy. Fear is his number one weapon. What gun is to a military person is what fear is in the hand of the enemy. If you want to know how weak a military person is, take away his weapon. When he holds a gun everyone is afraid. What people fear is not him but his gun, and so when he doesn’t have his weapon he goes gently in the public because he knows that he’s powerless. So therefore, if you can disarm fear, you have disarmed the adversary. People don’t fear the devil as a person; they fear his "fear". If you want to change your position from the 69% of people who drop from the race of life, then you must tackle the subject of fear in your life.

The devil introduces fear in two major ways:

By what we see (sight) and;

By what we hear (sound).

You must beware of how you see as your perception determines your description. People speak as they see. For example, when people go for interviews and hear of the number of applicants, see the big coats, the long working experiences and long curriculum vitaes, they conclude that they are finished. Honestly, many sick people die before their death. This is by reason of the medical reports they have seen. So you must be careful about how and what you see.

Now, the truth is that God will not blind your eyes from seeing opposition, so you can’t talk of not seeing the opposition. Those who won didn’t win because they didn’t see the opposition, but rather they saw something bigger. Courage is the ability to see something bigger. Ambrose Redmoon says that "courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear". Celebrate the size of your God. Also, you must be careful of what you hear too, because the enemy is a lion which goes about roaring and looking for whom to devour.

The truth is that just anyone can win. The line between winning and losing is courage. People don’t win because they face relatively small problems and neither do they lose because they face relatively big problems. It’s the state of the heart that makes men to win and lose. Victory is available to all; it’s only the courageous that makes the choice to take their portions. Your real size in the battle of life is your heart, not your physical stature. Twenty two thousand people lose their place because the lost their heart. Bishop Oyedepo once said that, "you need a lion heart to take your lion part". Courage is the winning step you must continuously take. The courageous never returns from the battle, they always go conquering and conquering.

What then is Courage?

The dictionary has its own meaning of courage. However, real courage is not in grammar, It’s in practical expression of what goes on in the heart of man. Courage doesn’t really connote the absence of fear. Real courage is not even in bold faces. There is fear everywhere. Statistics reveals that many people die within five years of their retirement by virtue of fear. Fear of tomorrow. Fear of how to manage their retirement benefits and from there one sickness to the other till they decide to write their wills and hide it somewhere, just because the devil has told them that its finished. To the courageous, it’s natural taking steps. What surprises others does not surprise him.

How does courage express itself?

Firstly, courage expresses itself by going towards what it fears. This is important, as it is what gives you fear that brings you into stardom and fame. Inside your fears lies your food. Courage is daring the opposition, confronting your situation, confronting that sickness. You see, you can’t hide from your problems and expect them to be solved. Anything you are dodging today, you are only giving room to it to expand. You must confront that sickness, failures and whatever tells you that you can’t make it. It takes courage for you to look at your enemy in the face and tell it you can’t kill me, I am going somewhere to happen. You will certainly get there!

Courage rises with challenges. Samson was anointed from his mother’s womb (Judges 13:3-5), but nobody knew him until he began to face challenges (Judges 14:5-6). When you see your challenges you should understand that there’s a position for you and the devil as a strategist wants to stop you from ascending your throne. The word opposition is a compound word meaning ‘opposite your position".

Courage is expressed by stirring up the man on the inside. There is that man within your soul, he doesn’t settle for failure in its natural state. It’s made to be at the top and to win at the battles of life. It’s the challenges of life that comes to stir it up. Judges 14 : 6, "a young lion roars against him". No matter your position, the enemy will still roar against you. There is a roaring everywhere, either physically or in your heart. Something tells you, you can’t make it, you can’t be healed, you can’t succeed – this is fear talking to you. What will courage do? See verse 6 of Judges 14. The point of your fear is the peak of the Spirit of God upon you. It is the Holy Spirit that ignites your spirit. That is the fountain of courage. There is nothing your hand cannot do, when there is courage in your heart (Judges 18:13-14).

Courageous people stand alone by their convictions (Judges 14:6b). This is why God told Gideon earlier that the number is too much. You don’t need number to win; all you need to win is courage. No matter who is supporting you, if your heart is not supporting you, you are a failure already. David knew what the problem of Israel’s army was. That was why he said "Let no man’s heart fail him" (1^{st Samuel 17:32). He knew that their problem was not weapon but their heart.}

A courageous man is always on the go. He disrespects his circumstances and opposition. If you must move from glory to glory and dominate, then you must move with courage. While fear stares at the challenges, courage stirs the man inside. All the army of Israel was staring at Goliath but David was busy stirring the man on the inside. People can describe their problems. They have big eyes. They can tell you details of the bad dreams they had. The ten spies had full description of the sons of Anakim and other giants in the promised land, but Joshua and Caleb saw the giants for food, that’s why they said lets go up at once while the ten said let’s make ourselves a leader and return to where we are coming from. Your courage determines your direction. It will always go forward. Courage says, ‘it’s better to go forward dying than to live going backward’. This is why the courageous will always return with testimonies of victory.

Courage is also expressed by prompt action, it doesn’t delay. This is why Joshua and Caleb said; "let’s go up at once", Samson rushed at the lion, David rushed at Goliath. The best of your ability is expressed in prompt action. Whatever belongs to you, you need courageous steps to get them. David became a dear man after he dared Goliath. People left the man on the throne to sing for the man who went to war.

Why do you need courage?

Without courage you can’t remain in the race no matter how much you wish to (Judges 7:1-3).

Without courage you can’t enter your promised land, no matter the promise (Numbers 13 /14).

Without courage you can’t taste your honey no matter how well you see it.

Without courage you can’t cross over to your next phase, no matter the impartation you received. Vision is doomed. (1Kings 2).

How to put courage to work.

Celebrate the size of your God. Celebrate the almighty! There are many mighty men, but only one almighty God. No matter the mighty men confronting you, remember you have the Almighty God behind you. If you can’t see the size of your God, the size of men will stop you from moving forward.

Focus on your unlimited potentials. There are great treasures in you (Genesis 5:1).

Despise your enemies. Talk with disdain about the enemy. I have heard of a man who kept on teaching about demons until one day he went inside the bush and has not returned till today. You attract what you talk about.

Nseobong Victor Okon

Nseng78@yahoo.com

SIGNS OF FAITH

I recall a lunch I had last year with one of my new clients, a senior human resources executive of a sizable national company. Our working partnership had been very business-focused since the beginning, and I wanted to forge the kind of stronger personal connection that I enjoy with most of my other clients.

We made small talk about a number of subjects until our food arrived. I said I was going to say a blessing over our meal and she was welcome to join me. As I made the sign of the cross and started to pray, I noticed that she also made the sign of the cross. I smiled to myself and said a quiet prayer of thanks for the opening I had been given. Between bites of salad, I asked her which parish she attended. She gave me a funny look before responding with the name, then added, “that’s a long story.” I told her I would love to hear it and for the next half-hour we talked about her faith journey, how much she loved her parish, her devotion to the Blessed Mother, and her prayer life.

The awkward business-focused exchange at the beginning of the meal had been replaced by a warm conversation about our shared Catholic faith. I certainly achieved my goal of a stronger personal connection.

As we were preparing to leave, she shared that she never spoke of her faith in business settings and really enjoyed our discussion. As we were leaving the restaurant, we speculated on why Catholics don’t discuss faith as openly as perhaps our Protestant brethren do. I suggested it may be fear of persecution or lack of confidence in defending the teachings of the Church. She suggested that it all came down to simple courage. I asked her to explain. Her response was, “When you made the sign of the cross in a crowded restaurant and said the blessing for all to hear, I realized that I never do that. My fear of saying a simple blessing is a clear reminder to me that I don’t have the courage to share my faith outside of my comfort zone. I am grateful that you don’t have that issue, and also for this wonderful conversation.”

Driving back to my office, I reflected on countless other business meals over the last few years that had turned into faith discussions, perhaps because of the simple act of making the sign of the cross and blessing the meal. I don’t know whether I see this as courageous as much as following the call of Christ and the teachings of our Church. It is certainly food for thought and worthy of careful reflection.

What would happen if everyone who reads this makes a simple commitment to make the sign of the cross and say a blessing over every meal from now on, regardless of our companions? How many incredible faith discussions would happen as a result of this simple and public act of faith? I could easily argue the other side and share the possible negative outcomes, but can we live as faithful Catholics if we are paralyzed by fear?

The answer, I believe, is that it is not only our duty, but our privilege to acknowledge Jesus and our faith. Through these small gestures that show our faith to others, we are fulfilling our promise to God to be disciples of his word and showing him our love as he calls us to do. Were we to live in fear of showing our love, it would not only weaken our faith but also make us more susceptible to steering away from God. Demonstrating your faith does not require you to make grandiose gestures, but merely a simple acknowledgment, or reminder, will help to keep your faith strong and abiding.

The sign of the cross in this business lunch example is a clear and obvious sign of our Catholic faith. What about others? The sacraments are visible signs of invisible grace instituted by Jesus Christ for our sanctification. The crucifix, saints, rosary, scapular, miracles, ashes on one’s forehead on Ash Wednesday, etc. also are clear signs. As we consider the signs of our faith in the workplace, we need to realize that our actions and our behavior are being observed by those around us. For many, the first “signs” that we are Catholics may be visible in how we treat our coworkers, the way we make decisions, how we spend our time, or how we give back to the community. In the interest of upholding the practical theme of this article, let’s examine the most effective signs of our faith, revealed in our willingness to show courage, humility, devotion, and joy in the workplace:

Courage

Being courageous about integrating our Catholic faith with our work can take many forms. The example of my lunch meeting and the sign of the cross was construed by my client as an act of courage. Consider the courage we can demonstrate by consistently doing the right thing at work and choosing good moral and ethical options in the face of judgment and criticism from others. Our willingness to place the needs of people before the bottom line is an act of courage sorely needed in business today. Finally, demonstrating simple bravery in sharing our faith with others at opportune moments can be the inspiration for them to join the Catholic Church and begin their journey to heaven.

Humility

Humility is the virtue that overcomes the sin of pride. We all struggle with being prideful, especially in the workplace. Taking credit for our successes and working for self-satisfaction instead of giving glory to God is a clear example of pride. Perhaps a more insidious problem I have often observed is that of false humility. Recall the Scripture passage in Luke’s Gospel about the Pharisee and the tax collector (Luke 18:9–14). The Pharisee looked with disdain on the tax collector as the man humbly declared his unworthiness and begged for forgiveness during his prayer. The Pharisee, on the other hand, was more concerned with boasting of his virtue and piety, and how he looked to others. He lacked humility and self-awareness. The tax collector’s example is the better one to follow. God knows of our good deeds, and that is what matters. There’s no need to brag to others. We can set a much better example if we are humble and ask our Lord for guidance and strength as we acknowledge our inadequacies.

Piety

Being pious in the practice of our Catholic faith can make a great impression on others. While we want to avoid the poor example of the Pharisee, being open and humble in the practice of our faith can be the foundation for conversation with others who observe what we are doing. Consider committing an hour to Eucharistic adoration each week. Attend daily Mass when possible. Go to frequent reconciliation. Set aside time for prayer each day. These acts of devotion are clear signs of our faith that keep us on the right path, while potentially providing inspiration to others.

Joy

I would argue that joy is the most profound sign of our faith we can exhibit to others in the workplace. Joy violates no company policies. Joy is contagious. Joy is a welcoming invitation to others.

The first Christians had the good fortune to be the first to share the Good News. Imagine the joy they felt in sharing Christ’s message of love to everyone! They stood out as happy in a suffering world, just as Christians have an opportunity to do today. Jesus promised them (and us) this joy at the Last Supper when he said: “So you also are now in anguish. But I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you” (John 16:22). Do we reflect joy at home, at work, and with friends? We have so much to be thankful for in our relationship with Christ. Being joyful should lead to sharing that joy with others and a willingness to express the truths of our faith in a way that shows the depth of our belief and love.

What’s in your Catholic Briefcase?

As we try to show courage, humility, piety, and joy as signs of our Catholic faith, there are tools for those of us who need to make significant, heartfelt changes immediately. We can determine the tools we need by answering these questions:

• Do I make the sign of the cross and say a blessing over all my meals, regardless of my companions?
• Do I wish people “Merry Christmas” or “happy holidays/season’s greetings?”
• Can people clearly see Christ at work in me?
• Do I show joy to others?
• Do I look for Christ in others?
• Do I attend daily Mass as often as possible?
• Do I go to frequent reconciliation?
• Do I observe all holy days and always attend Sunday Mass?
• Am I willing to be unpopular for taking stands in defense of Christ’s teachings?
• Do I share the beauty and truth of my Catholic faith with others?
• Do I show excessive pride over my achievements, or am I humble and give the glory to God?
• Do I serve others with love and compassion?
• Do I set a good example for others in how I practice my Catholic faith?
• Do I truly place God first in all things or is he merely contending for a piece of my time each day?

As we ponder the list, we should also consider the obstacles that impede our desire to integrate our lives and demonstrate the signs of faith outlined in this article. We allow fear, lukewarmness, greed, pride, and a host of other negative influences to affect how we think and act regarding our Catholic faith and our relationship with Jesus. The opinions of others often mean more to us than our relationship with him.

Saint Paul tells us that we should “…rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:16–18). He makes it sound so simple. Then why do we struggle to do something that is easy, and that we should truly want to do anyway? We all deal with various forms of adversity. Some of us are unemployed, some are dealing with illness, and still others are struggling with a death in the family. The sex abuse crisis and the unwarranted attacks on Pope Benedict and the Church have made many Catholics gloomy and frightened. These are real obstacles to our faith that should be acknowledged.

The Church needs us to overcome these obstacles and live out our faith in the midst of the world. It is our obligation and our duty. The workplace is where we will spend the majority of our adult lives, and we can’t exclude this vital arena from the practice of our faith. Remember we are not alone. Be encouraged by this declaration: “I have the strength for everything through him who empowers me” (Philippians 4:13).

Our faith in Christ, our courage, our humility, our piety, and our heartfelt joy will see us through difficult times, so we may be a good example for others. What kind of example are you setting for others today? What signs of our faith do others see in you? What will you do differently tomorrow?

Reflection and Discussion

• Have I had opportunities, such as the one Randy Hain had with the client over lunch, to make the sign of the cross? If so, how did I respond to those opportunities to say a blessing over the meal? After reflecting on this chapter, how might I act differently in the future?
• Of all the possible signs of faith, Christ-inspired joy can often have the most impact on others. What are the obstacles, if any, to me being joyful about my Catholic faith? What can I do to eliminate these obstacles?
• When I finished answering the list of questions in this article, did I see room for improvement? Make a list for future reflection on possible improvements and consider sharing it with accountability partners.
• Do I think first of the opinions of others in the public practice of my Catholic faith? Why? Do I fear judgment? Criticism? Is it possible that this could be an opportunity to explain my faith to others?

This post was adapted from The Catholic Briefcase: Tools for Integrating Faith and Work with the permission of Randy Hain and Liguori Publications.

The Woman You’ve Always Wanted to Be

By Taffi Dollar

Being a woman in our current society is tough. TV shows, magazines, movies, and other media outlets attempt to convince women to measure themselves according to society's standards. However, doing so limits the beauty of a woman. According to the world, you have to be a certain size, height, skin tone, and have a certain type of hairstyle and wardrobe to be considered beautiful. What does a woman do to uphold her self-image in a world where advertisements are flooded with influences that promote worldly beauty? This is where she draws the line by refusing to conform to society's image of beauty and renews her mind with the Word of God.

Due to impossible worldly standards, countless women have developed a poor self-image. Fear of not measuring up has caused them to develop harmful habits to prove their beauty and self-worth. For example, some women may spend all their money trying to keep up with the latest styles in beauty and fashion, and nearly starve themselves just to be thin. However, this type of behavior almost always leads to self-destruction. 

Women who have problems with their self-image are often bitter, angry, and have a bad attitude. When a woman doesn't know how to respect herself, she will most likely mistreat others. As Christians, we are taught to love our neighbors as ourselves. However, if you have never learned to love yourself, you cannot possibly love anyone else. 

Proverbs 31 is an excellent guide for all women, because this woman does not suffer from a poor self-image. Interestingly, the proverb does not describe this woman's physical appearance, yet by her works we see her beauty radiating from within. I am not saying run yourself into the ground trying to do everything this woman did! However, take note of how she lived her life and became a woman who was celebrated above all women. She was a woman of elegance and extraordinary intelligence because she honored God. 

Proverbs 31:10 says the price of a virtuous woman is far above rubies. She is rare, precious, and esteemed above treasured jewels. As a woman, you have to understand your worth according to God's Word. You can be the woman you have always wanted to be when you begin to see yourself as God sees you.

Make a quality decision to define your standards of beauty by God’s standards found in His written Word. When your self-confidence comes as a result of a personal relationship with God, you will realize that you are loved, precious, and