Why do people cheat on their partners

Every couple, when entering into an intimate, committed relationship and hopefully before marriage, should have the infidelity conversation. The understanding of infidelity is quite blurred as some may not consider emotional infidelity as a breach of trust but it actually is. Both physical and emotional intimacy with somebody other than your spouse is infidelity. Physical infidelity or sexual relations outside an intimate relationship is distrust and betrayal, while emotional intimacy can be  emotional dependence where quality time, attention and romantic love is spent with a person other than the one you are in a relationship with. In both cases, the other person in the relationship is cheated and  betrayed accounting to infidelity.

Most people in relationship would agree that commitment means never going astray  on sex, and at times even being emotionally intimate to someone else. In a recent survey, it was found that many people admit to being unfaithful at some point in their life. It is bemusing that the married lot cheated more than the single.

The reasons for this vary from person to person, but the single factor that is relevant to both genders is the aversion to commitment.  With  the romance coming to an end after marriage, many people cannot reconcile themselves to the mundane life. They want the same attraction back which is not possible in the partner with whom they have spent their last year together.

A nagging wife or over passionate husband can make the spouses look for another person to get sanity back into their life. That is one of the prime reasons why men and women fall into the arm of a person other than their partner.

In case of some persons. It is peer group tendency that drives them to commit adultery. In case a buddy does it and shows if off as  something fun, there are many men who cannot resist it. The same goes for women as some friends make their  make cheat just for kicks.

In case of men, it is the starvation of sex that leads them to have it outside  of wedlock. If the woman is not willing to have  sex as much as the man demands, he  is going to look for someone who can satisfy him and vice versa.

The craving  for new thrill is one of the most important reasons  behind cheating.  A man has gratified himself with you, and is not likely to feel the same again. That brings out the urge to experiment, in other words, flirting with other women. If  a person is in a state of despair and under great stress, having an affair can fix many  problems. It can not only give release from tension but also work  to boost the ego of a person as he or she now feels more desirable. This is usually due  to lack of spark or mutual appreciation in a relationship.

HOW TO DEAL WITH THOUGHTS OF INFIDELITY

Before you decide to cheat on your partner, learn to deal with the thoughts of infidelity by figuring  out what is lacking in your relationship and bringing thoughts that could cost you love of your current partner and family.

·         The foremost step  to deal with thoughts of infidelity is to figure out the incidences of such thoughts. Day dreaming about your favorite  movie star/s or getting attracted to someone on the street is perfectly normal, but getting intimate with another  person is an indication that your current relationship is lacking something essential. Instead of focusing your attention on the one whom you admire, reevaluate your relationship with your partner to know the differences.

·         While having thoughts of  cheating on your partner, just give a thought  to its dire consequences. Think how it will hurt your partner and everybody else around you. If children are involve, think how it is going to influence their life and their mental development.  Infidelity does not involve you and your partner, it impinges  on your family’s  mentality and tears them apart. The best solution is to locate the problems in your relationship that brought you to think of cheating with your partner. Such thoughts  can be forced by innumerable reasons such as staying away for too long or giving  a lot of importance to the person you are attracted to.

·         To deal with the issue of infidelity, the best option is to communicate your feeling to your partner. Do not state to him or her that you are having thoughts  of infidelity, but explain that  you are finding some difficulties in your relationship. Tell him or her what is missing in the relationship and try to voice your present feelings. Do it in a way that it does not hurt your partner’s emotions and try to clear your doubts as much as possible  so that the two of you can decide appropriate  future actions i.e.  whether to make things work or take individual ways. Putting an end to relationship  is always better than being unfaithful  and disloyal.

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TAKING WINNING STEPS.

 

In Judges 7: 3, God specifically instructed Jerubaal (Gideon), to proclaim in the ears of the people, saying, ‘whoever is fearful and trembling, let him return home’. This instruction reveals a very fundamental secret as to why people fail in life.

The first thing that drops people from winning in life is fear. Every time you are confronted with a step you want to take in life, a step you want to take academically, a step you want to take in marriage etc; the first thing that strikes you is fear. You may not believe it, for some, the reason why they are yet to be married at old age is fear. It’s either he can’t talk to a woman or he is afraid of how he will take care of a woman. He thinks about the money he doesn’t have in his bank account. The truth is that until you deal with the issue of fear, you will never take your first step into victory.

Deuteronomy 20: 1 – 8, gives us a model or approach to war. In verse one precisely, the Bible says, "when thou goeth to war", "not if thou goeth to war". The truth is that every day is a day of warfare. The Word of God says, "When you go to war and you see your enemies with horses and chariots, "thou shall not fear"".

The first and last instruction God gives is that we should not be afraid. Speaking to Joshua, in Joshua 1:1-9, God instructed Joshua to be strong and courageous. The letter to the Ephesians 6: 10-18 listed the spiritual weapons as revealed by the Holy Spirit through Paul the apostle. Verse 10 tells us where it all began; "finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might…" before revealing other weapons. This means that no weapon works in the hands of the fearful. 2Timothy 3:1 also confirms this. This shows us that even grace cannot work except you condition your heart for courage. Courage is the winning step you have to take. It is my prayer that as you read this epistle, courage will rise in your soul.

Do you know that some people are even scared to ask God for the things they need. You need a degree of boldness to ask for God to touch you at the point of your need without a sense of begging. You need to come boldly even to pray. The difference between someone with a big blessing and another with a small blessing is boldness and courage. Someone is asking for God to do it for him now, while another is saying God, I hope you will do it for me in the next one month. We must be aware of the enemy’s strategy. Fear is his number one weapon. What gun is to a military person is what fear is in the hand of the enemy. If you want to know how weak a military person is, take away his weapon. When he holds a gun everyone is afraid. What people fear is not him but his gun, and so when he doesn’t have his weapon he goes gently in the public because he knows that he’s powerless. So therefore, if you can disarm fear, you have disarmed the adversary. People don’t fear the devil as a person; they fear his "fear". If you want to change your position from the 69% of people who drop from the race of life, then you must tackle the subject of fear in your life.

The devil introduces fear in two major ways:

By what we see (sight) and;

By what we hear (sound).

You must beware of how you see as your perception determines your description. People speak as they see. For example, when people go for interviews and hear of the number of applicants, see the big coats, the long working experiences and long curriculum vitaes, they conclude that they are finished. Honestly, many sick people die before their death. This is by reason of the medical reports they have seen. So you must be careful about how and what you see.

Now, the truth is that God will not blind your eyes from seeing opposition, so you can’t talk of not seeing the opposition. Those who won didn’t win because they didn’t see the opposition, but rather they saw something bigger. Courage is the ability to see something bigger. Ambrose Redmoon says that "courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear". Celebrate the size of your God. Also, you must be careful of what you hear too, because the enemy is a lion which goes about roaring and looking for whom to devour.

The truth is that just anyone can win. The line between winning and losing is courage. People don’t win because they face relatively small problems and neither do they lose because they face relatively big problems. It’s the state of the heart that makes men to win and lose. Victory is available to all; it’s only the courageous that makes the choice to take their portions. Your real size in the battle of life is your heart, not your physical stature. Twenty two thousand people lose their place because the lost their heart. Bishop Oyedepo once said that, "you need a lion heart to take your lion part". Courage is the winning step you must continuously take. The courageous never returns from the battle, they always go conquering and conquering.

What then is Courage?

The dictionary has its own meaning of courage. However, real courage is not in grammar, It’s in practical expression of what goes on in the heart of man. Courage doesn’t really connote the absence of fear. Real courage is not even in bold faces. There is fear everywhere. Statistics reveals that many people die within five years of their retirement by virtue of fear. Fear of tomorrow. Fear of how to manage their retirement benefits and from there one sickness to the other till they decide to write their wills and hide it somewhere, just because the devil has told them that its finished. To the courageous, it’s natural taking steps. What surprises others does not surprise him.

How does courage express itself?

Firstly, courage expresses itself by going towards what it fears. This is important, as it is what gives you fear that brings you into stardom and fame. Inside your fears lies your food. Courage is daring the opposition, confronting your situation, confronting that sickness. You see, you can’t hide from your problems and expect them to be solved. Anything you are dodging today, you are only giving room to it to expand. You must confront that sickness, failures and whatever tells you that you can’t make it. It takes courage for you to look at your enemy in the face and tell it you can’t kill me, I am going somewhere to happen. You will certainly get there!

Courage rises with challenges. Samson was anointed from his mother’s womb (Judges 13:3-5), but nobody knew him until he began to face challenges (Judges 14:5-6). When you see your challenges you should understand that there’s a position for you and the devil as a strategist wants to stop you from ascending your throne. The word opposition is a compound word meaning ‘opposite your position".

Courage is expressed by stirring up the man on the inside. There is that man within your soul, he doesn’t settle for failure in its natural state. It’s made to be at the top and to win at the battles of life. It’s the challenges of life that comes to stir it up. Judges 14 : 6, "a young lion roars against him". No matter your position, the enemy will still roar against you. There is a roaring everywhere, either physically or in your heart. Something tells you, you can’t make it, you can’t be healed, you can’t succeed – this is fear talking to you. What will courage do? See verse 6 of Judges 14. The point of your fear is the peak of the Spirit of God upon you. It is the Holy Spirit that ignites your spirit. That is the fountain of courage. There is nothing your hand cannot do, when there is courage in your heart (Judges 18:13-14).

Courageous people stand alone by their convictions (Judges 14:6b). This is why God told Gideon earlier that the number is too much. You don’t need number to win; all you need to win is courage. No matter who is supporting you, if your heart is not supporting you, you are a failure already. David knew what the problem of Israel’s army was. That was why he said "Let no man’s heart fail him" (1^{st Samuel 17:32). He knew that their problem was not weapon but their heart.}

A courageous man is always on the go. He disrespects his circumstances and opposition. If you must move from glory to glory and dominate, then you must move with courage. While fear stares at the challenges, courage stirs the man inside. All the army of Israel was staring at Goliath but David was busy stirring the man on the inside. People can describe their problems. They have big eyes. They can tell you details of the bad dreams they had. The ten spies had full description of the sons of Anakim and other giants in the promised land, but Joshua and Caleb saw the giants for food, that’s why they said lets go up at once while the ten said let’s make ourselves a leader and return to where we are coming from. Your courage determines your direction. It will always go forward. Courage says, ‘it’s better to go forward dying than to live going backward’. This is why the courageous will always return with testimonies of victory.

Courage is also expressed by prompt action, it doesn’t delay. This is why Joshua and Caleb said; "let’s go up at once", Samson rushed at the lion, David rushed at Goliath. The best of your ability is expressed in prompt action. Whatever belongs to you, you need courageous steps to get them. David became a dear man after he dared Goliath. People left the man on the throne to sing for the man who went to war.

Why do you need courage?

Without courage you can’t remain in the race no matter how much you wish to (Judges 7:1-3).

Without courage you can’t enter your promised land, no matter the promise (Numbers 13 /14).

Without courage you can’t taste your honey no matter how well you see it.

Without courage you can’t cross over to your next phase, no matter the impartation you received. Vision is doomed. (1Kings 2).

How to put courage to work.

Celebrate the size of your God. Celebrate the almighty! There are many mighty men, but only one almighty God. No matter the mighty men confronting you, remember you have the Almighty God behind you. If you can’t see the size of your God, the size of men will stop you from moving forward.

Focus on your unlimited potentials. There are great treasures in you (Genesis 5:1).

Despise your enemies. Talk with disdain about the enemy. I have heard of a man who kept on teaching about demons until one day he went inside the bush and has not returned till today. You attract what you talk about.

Nseobong Victor Okon

Nseng78@yahoo.com