You Have One VERY Rocky Road Ahead, So Be Prepared!
To save your relationship after cheating is going to prove to be one of the hardest things you are ever going to deal with in your life. Your cheating has destroyed any trust your partner had in you, as well as the security of a stable relationship, and any confidence that your partner had in that secure relationship.
Of course, because you have also probably been seeing the other person behind your partner's back, there is every possibility that the disgust that your partner feels for you destroyed any love that there was as well. There is a very long road ahead of you, and you will probably find that at times you become angry with your ex, but do all you can to control it, as it was all your own doing that caused the situation, after all.
For you to be able to talk to your ex at all, you need to first apologize from the bottom of your heart, and somehow get through to your ex that you know that you made a huge mistake, and that you will never, ever, do this again. You might have to do this repeatedly before your ex will actually listen to what you have to say, so be prepared to have lots of patience!
You must also understand that, through your stupid mistake, your life has changed dramatically. You cannot just come and go as you please anymore - your ex will become suspicious, and will probably accuse you of seeing the other person. Can you blame your ex for feeling this way?
Your main aim now should be to try and gain your ex's trust again. This could take months, or even years - maybe even never, but as mentioned before, have lots of patience! The only way you are going to come close to achieving this, is to let your ex know where you are at ALL times, and to be just a phone call away, should your ex want to contact you.
Your chances to save your relationship are fifty/fifty. Only patience and determination on your part can help your ex to forgive you your infidelity, and want to get back together again.
Whether you are still together and trying to deal with infidelity or you are already separated and want to save your relationship... the next step is absolutely crucial!
There are very few absolutes in life. One of the few though is that everyone makes mistakes. Even good people do bad things once in a while. Sometimes those bad things carry a heavy price tag but they do not make the person a bad person.
When it comes to love and marriage, cheating has, for a long time, been considered one of the ultimate sins. There is a certain stigma that goes along with cheating that not only impacts the person who cheats but also the person they cheated on.
For this reason, it is often considered a particularly bad thing to do and there is often a lot of venom on the part of the person who was wronged on these occasions.
Is Cheating an Indication of Evil?
Don't get me wrong. Cheating is bad for marriages. It's not the way to win your spouses undying support and loyalty but does the act suddenly turn you into an evil person? Not hardly - so you can hang up the evil super villain costume you've been trying to wriggle your way into. You're just not ready for it quite yet.
More often than not what cheating is a sign of is that all is not well on the home front. It's not a sign that a man doesn't love his wife or that a woman isn't still madly in love with her husband. It does mean there is a breakdown in communication somewhere along the way that needs to be addressed. Fast! The sooner; the better.
Does Forgiving a Cheater make You a Saint?
While the idea of saintly halos may be appealing you can hang up your choir robes for the moment. Being cheated on, while not your fault is not a good sign for the marriage. It's usually a strong indication that there is trouble that needs to be addressed.
It's a cry for help. The fact that you answer the cry doesn't mean you're a saint. It means that you love your spouse and want to save your marriage. It's the next best thing to being a saint (and you get to enjoy the fruits of your labor while you're still alive).
What Happens if You're too Late?
Sometimes you don't realize just how much you want to save the marriage and work things out together until it's too late. There are many times in life when we don't really understand how truly good and special something (like your marriage) is until we no longer have it.
But, and here's the really good news I can get excited about sharing with you, it's not too late to get your ex back. Sometimes you both need that time apart in order to really gain perspective.
Communication in Marriage
Texts: Prov. 25:11, Eph. 4:29.
Communication is the most important skill in life.Communication is defined as the ability to transfer your ideas accurately into another person’s mind. A research conducted in the United State of America showed that the marriage relationship is eighty five percent communications. This means, if anything goes wrong with communication in marriage, every other aspect will be affected - finance, sex, child rearing, etc. Communication is not just talking, reading and writing. Communication is also listening. Therefore, for communication to be effective we need to be able to understand clearly the other person’s point of view. Relationships form a major part of our lives and for us to succeed in relationships we need to learn to communicate effectively.
Tips for effective communication in marriage
Husbands & wives should cultivate the habit of writing love notes, poems and sending cards to each other. Text messages should be exchanged during the course of the day, while at work. Use of words: Prov.18:21 talks about how powerful words are - they can build up, as well as tear down. It’s your character that makes you say the things that you say; to change your words you have to change your character. Do not use negative or hurtful words. Speaking hurtful words would not change your spouse's attitude - Isa.50:4 Learn to express yourself clearly. Listening: Effective communication demands effective listening. Listen carefully so as to genuinely understand the other person's point of view. Always acknowledge peoples' ideas before putting forward your own point. Most of the time, people argue, simply because they have not taken the time to listen to one another.
You Will Succeed!
Same Adeyemi
Tips For The Waiting Single
Pastor Faith Oyedepo
You are welcome to this special teaching in Jesus’ name! This month, I will be focusing on the single reader out there. For every unmarried person on the verge of despair, this article is specially for you. I want you to put your faith on line, as God will be releasing to you the truth of His Word that will deliver to you the desire of your heart.
This week, God will be putting into your hand, the secrets that will transport you into your desired miracle, by being a lover of God. To be a lover of God, you have to get deeper with God. It is not enough to go to church, you must have a close relationship with God. You cannot succeed in marriage until you have succeeded as a single person. If as a single person, you find it difficult to pray, read the Bible and attend fellowship or be of service in the kingdom. If your heart is not panting after God, the chances that you will get deeper with God after marriage are slim. You cannot genuinely serve somebody you do not love. You have to love God heartily before you can say you are really serving Him. When your love is in place for God, you will willingly serve Him with your being.
If you truly give God His rightful place in your life, you will love Him unreservedly. The Word of God says: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment (Mark 12:30).
God requires your love. Your love for Him must be sincere, not just in words but let your action show that you love Him. If you love Him deep down in your heart, He will lead you into the centre of His will, where you will find pleasure. Your love for Him must be seen by all around you. Let the world see that you are lost in His love. This will defuse all the pressures around you.
The Word of God says: But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried cares for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married cares for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife (I Corinthians 7:32-33). As a single person, your time is more or less at your own disposal; you do not have the added responsibility of caring for a family. Never you focus your mind on marriage alone; as you wait on God to be married, find a place to serve God in the church and be effective in the kingdom of God. Build your foundation on kingdom service and in the process, God will add to you the blessing of a partner. The Word of God says: But seek you first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you (Matthew 6:33).
Look at this testimony:
“I want to thank the Lord for Bishop David Oyedepo’s life. I also, want to thank God for His Words that have been coming to us through the Bishop. I joined this commission in 1997 for the purpose of seeking a husband. However, I started hearing the true Word of God to the extent that I almost forgot what I came here for.
On one Sunday in 2004, our Year Of Harvest, the Bishop ministered on Matthew 6:33: ‘But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.’ It dawned on me that all things referred to in that scripture includes a husband. At that time, I was 45 years old.
Subsequently, I started seeking God and looking unto Him. I told myself it was my turn. Again, as if the Bishop knew what was on my mind, he said, ‘Ask for a 24-hour miracle.’ I said, ‘God, if all things are possible with You, then my getting married is possible.’ Miraculously, that same Sunday, I came in contact with my husband! We got married six months later. I can say that I am happy and fulfilled as I wave this hand of mine with a wedding ring on it.” -Williams, P.
Your place of service is a fertile ground, where your miracle can easily reach you. This was the platform upon which my husband stood to get a wife (me, of course!) When he discovered this scripture, he simply invested his life into the work of God, and God added a sweet home to him. Are you involved in kingdom service? Don’t just sit down and occupy a seat in church, contributing nothing! It gets people frustrated. Find a place of service.
Addiction to kingdom service frees you from pressure and positions you for your desired miracle. The Bible says: And ye shall serve the Lord your God, and he shall bless… (Exodus 23:25).
The story of Ruth the Moabite in the Bible is an example of how service can distinguish you for marital blessing. Ruth was a young widow; a stranger in the land (Israel) and living with an old widow who had lost her two sons. But she keyed into the instruction of her mother in-law. She got a location to glean and there she was noticed by the man who eventually became her husband. The Word of God says: Then said Boaz unto his servant that was set over the reapers, Whose damsel is this? And the servant that was set over the reapers answered and said, It is the Moabitish damsel that came back with Naomi out of the country of Moab (Ruth 2:5-6).
To be a lover of God, you need to surrender your life to Him. This entails confessing your sins and accepting Jesus as your Lord and Saviour. If you are ready for this new birth experience, please say this prayer: Dear Lord, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me my sins. Cleanse me with Your precious Blood. I accept You as my Lord and Savious. Now I know I am born again!
If you prayed this simple prayer, you are now a child of God. He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God's Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).
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HOW TO KEEP THINGS WORKING
The only way to keep things working is to keep working.
Work until things work out.
Stir up yourself until things are stirred forward.
Never lie down to sleep when things around you lie low.
Wake up and stay awake until everything around you wakes up.
Nothing stops working as long as you keep working.
NEVER TAKE LIFE EASY
- Those who take life easy will be eased out of life
- Live serious to end glorious
- Don’t lay by if you don’t want to be laid off.
- Never be casual if you don’t want to end as casualty.
- Those that treat life with levity will end up being leveled out.
- Never be slow if you don’t want to end low.
- Those that are sluggish will end as rubbish.
- Be brisk if you don’t want to be trapped in a risk.
- Be quick if you don’t want to be quenched.
- Be prompt if you don’t want to be dumped.
- Give life all it takes to get all it contains.
Be daring to damn the consequence.
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